Every now and then, I’m struck by the thought that my past work surpasses what I’m doing now. It comes every time I catch a glimpse of articles or even essays I’d written years ago, and I feel amazed, thinking “Wow, I actually wrote that!”
Of late, much of my day-to-day work seems lacklustre, uninspiring. I’d like to think that it’s a matter of perspective; a few years from now I may look back and feel the same amazement.
However I can’t help but wonder if what I’m truly lacking is depth. I was once told by my university professor that a lack of information is the main culprit behind not knowing what to write. I took his advice to heart, making it a point to read up as much as I could before delving into a writing project or proposal.
Over time, I seem to do that less and less. Part of it, I suppose, can be put down to experience and learning how to skim through loads of information to pick out only the parts I need.
But somewhere along the way, apathy or perhaps arrogance crept in and I spend less and less time reading and absorbing information, to the point where I sometimes feel like an empty vessel – with nothing inside, how can words pour out?
Even worse is when I try and fail – there are times when I stare at words without absorbing anything, or read the same document repeatedly without any comprehension.
Working mostly on my own these past few years, without the benefits of talks and workshops organised by HR departments (which I honestly despised during my 9-to-5 life), it’s dawning on me that I need something to fill the void, leading me to trawl for on-line courses and other avenues for something that will awaken that drive to learn, for learning’s sake.